Copyright Jan Tincher - All Rights reserved
http://www.tameyourbrain.com
What are you doing in front of your children? Kids mimic their
parents, even if they don't understand what is going on.
Do you get angry? What do you do when you are angry? Do you let that anger show, regardless of the consequences?
And what are the consequences? This, perhaps? You have company. The children are playing. Your child gets angry and hurts another child.
Will those children be allowed to play together once the parents of the other kids see that happening *once too many* times?
What has happened here? Friends are very important to children.
Do you cheat? Do you cheat, regardless of the consequences?
And what are the consequences? This, perhaps? You have company. The children are playing. Your child cheats at a game and all the kids get upset.
Will those children be allowed to play together once the parents of the other kids see that happening *once too many* times?
What has happened here? Friends are very important to children.
Do you want to be spontaneous in the act of making love, and does that mean in front of the kids? Regardless of the consequences?
And what are the consequences? This, perhaps? You have company. The children are playing. Your little boy mimics his father's actions to the doll on the floor, duplicating the actions as *he* perceives them.
Will those children be allowed to play together once the parents of the other kids see that happening *once too many* times?
What has happened here? Friends are very important to children.
And, since friends are very important to children, shouldn't they be very important to you?
What are we telling -- doing in front of -- our kids? We need to tell and show them what is acceptable. Making love is great, but not for little people AND not in front of little people who are learning life and who have no idea what is going on. Some say, *But they are going to learn it somewhere, sometime.* Do you let them swear? Punch someone in the nose? Urinate over the bushes downtown? *They may not have learned it downtown, but that's where they'll probably try it out.*
They learn MORE from people they love and respect. They learn FASTER from people they love and respect. They MODEL people they love and respect.
The next time you say or do something in front of your children, or any children for that matter, look at what you are doing and make sure it is something you want or can accept being repeated -- right in front of your eyes.
*** NOTE: All is not lost if you do see something you don't like repeated right in front of your eyes. Let your mind go back over your actions and see if YOU were the one who taught them to do that. If so, the next time you are doing it in front of them say something like, *Oh! I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I won't do that again, OK?* We all make mistakes. Apologizing is VERY acceptable behavior. Show it to children all the time.
Children live what they've learned. What are you teaching them?
If you like this technique, pass it on to a friend. Watch as their life changes for the better.
Thanks for reading.
Jan
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Copyright 2004, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide
DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or *Tame Your Brain!* do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.
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About the author:
Jan Tincher, nationally recognized expert in Hypnotherapy & Neuro-Linguistic Programming, teaches strategies and techniques to help you live a better, happier life! She studied under Richard Bandler and Anthony Robbins, and has a successful practice in Forest City, Iowa. She is an award winning author, and you can read many of her articles at http://www.tameyourbrain.com/articles.htm. You can read what people say about her at http://www.tameyourbrain.com/testimonials.htm
Give the Gift of a LifetimeVan DayGiving that special someone a special gift can be very difficult. Depending on the situation and occasion, it can be a very tricky thing. You want to do the right thing, but if youre not careful, it can backfire. As many have found out, you need to give this some considerable thought.
But everyone wants to give the ight gift. What makes up a great gift?
In my experience, a great gift:
Is truly unique, personal and creative;
Demonstrates to the recipient the thoughtfulness and caring that went into securing the gift;
Evokes emotions from the recipient whenever it is used, seen or thought about;
and
Makes the recipient truly feel special.
A great gift doesn't necessarily have to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to be great. But also understand that getting a gift that is cheap can show how much you don't care. Before you start to shop and buy, also consider the following:
1.Who is the recipient? Is it your spouse, significant other, sibling, parents, relative, close friends, neighbor or business associate?
2.Next, what is the occasion? Holiday, birthday, anniversary, graduation, wedding, engagement, promotion, a just because occasion, or I-need-to-get-out-of-the-doghouse-occasion?
3.Be yourself. The gift is from you, so make sure it shows it. But be appropriate, and be sure the gift is something that the recipient will relate to and enjoy.
4.Try to avoid excessiveness. Simple gifts tend to also be very well received.
5.Don't wait until the last minute. It only gives you too little time to get a great gift, and also shows how much you don't care.
Being creative is a fantastic way to ensure getting the right gift. People love it when it's obvious their gift required some imagination and creativity. So as youre going through the what do I get them process, remember that a little bit of creativity, uniqueness and personalization will go a long, long way!
The true measure of a great gift will be seen in the eyes of the recipient when they get it. Youll know it, youll feel it, and youll feel great yourself when youve given the Great Gift!
About the author:
Van Day is a renowned pianist and musician, and creator of Piano Music 4 You.com Piano Music 4 You specializes in creating personalized, custom and unique CDs of piano music, created especially for each customer and all occasions. He can be reached at vanday@pianomusic4you.com or http://www.pianomusic4you.com.
Jesus Has Power Over The Storm Angelique WatkinsWhen the storm arose on the Sea of Galilee, it often came without warning. In Mark 4:35-41 and Matthew 8:23-27 there are Biblical Words of Comfort and Promises.
A little history on The Book Gospel of Mark: The Gospel was written under the sanction of Peter. He scarely refers to the Old Testament and the word law does not once occur. In some reference books it is stated that this Gospel was meant for for use amongst Gentiles. It was written about 30 years after the death of Jesus Christ. It is the history of the war of Jesus against sin and evil in the world during the time that he dwelt as a Man among men.
Jesus Disciples went with HIM in taking a ship ride to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. Jesus goes below deck and goes to sleep. A Storm comes up right away and HIS Disciples were threatened. HIS Disciples let a panic attack take them over and called out to Jesus, Teacher do you not care that we are perishing? Jesus arises from sleep and speaks to the wind and sea, Peace, Be Still!
THE PROMISE: Safety From ALL Harm & Danger
Mark 4:40...And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?
Mark 4:35-41
verse 35...And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side.
verse 36...And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.
Jesus Ministry, Jesus Travels & Sojournings, The Next 2 Years of Jesus Ministry, Again in Galilee
verse 37...And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.
Ships & navigations - storms
verse 38...And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?
verse 39...And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
verse 40...And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?
verse 41...And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?
MIRACLES - In The Upper Regions & In The Atomosphere - Tempest Stilled
Mark 6:45-51
verse 45...And straightway he constrained his disciples to get into the ship, and to go to the other side before unto Bethsaida, while he sent away the people.
Jesus Christ, Christ Ministry, Jesus Travels & Sojournings, The Next 2 Years of Jesus Ministry, Again in Galilee
verse 46...And when he had sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray.
Christ's Retirement & Solitude
verse 47...And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land.
Ships & Navigation, Working Ship
verse 48...And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them.
MIRACLES In Water, Sinking Miraculously Prevented, Ships & Navigation, Working Ship
verse 49...But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out:
verse 50...For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I: be not afraid.
MIRACLES In Water, Sinking Miraculously Prevented
verse 51...And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measures, and wondered.
MIRACLES In The Upper Regions, & In The Atmospher. Tempest Stilled
A little history on The Book Gospel of Matthew was written by the Apostle in Hebrew and in Palestine in the first century. It was written for Jewish converts, to show them in Jesus of Nazareth the Messiah of the Old Testament whom they expected. It is pervaded by one priniciple, the fulfillment of the Law and of the Messianic prophecies in the person of Jesus.
The Power of Almighty God worked in Jesus and still does today. Even today, Jesus is upholding all things by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:3).
If Jesus is with us and we are with Him, then we have no reason to be gripped by fear. He is powerful enough and wise enough to handle any situation we may be facing. Like Paul, we should be able to declare, I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me (Phillippians 4:13).
A Sudden Storm comes up. While all of this was taking place, Jesus was asleep. The boat was tossing widly, and the waves were splashing water.
Mark 8:23: And when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him.
Mark 8:24: And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep.
The disciples realized that such a storm as this they felt a little in danger. Yes, Jesus could turn water into wine, HE could heal all kinds of diseases, HE could expel demons from people and all would be made whole. The disciples hope was in Jesus, so they went to Jesus to wake HIM up.
Mark 8:25: And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.
Mark 8:26: And he said unto them. Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and th sea; and there was a great calm.
No manner of man could command the winds and sea to obey. Only God Almighty can do this. The disciples little faith was being molded into learning even greater truth about Jesus and HIS Power Over Storms, Demons and Human Nature.
Matthew 8:27: But the men marveled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!
Scripture text-history-reference:
Crusade @ Bible Publishers, Inc. 1970, Mt. Juliet, Tn, USA, 37122
The Precious Promise Bible KJV, International, Copyright 1915/1908 By The J C Winston Co., Entered 1915/1908 At Stationer's Hall, ALL Rights Reserved, Printed in USA
New Devotional KJV & Explanatory Bible, Old & New Testaments, Apocrypha, Concordance, & Psalms in Metre; Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1879, by J R Jones, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington
About the author:
.
Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?Karl AugustineHaving a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don't take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a helicopter viewpoint. To do that, you're going to need to try to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly is a difficult thing to do.
The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember that you aren't alone, lots of couples have marriage problems that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.
Here's a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may not be experiencing:
Marriage problem 1: Lack of sexual intimacy - a serious issue that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work it out.
Marriage problem 2: Exploding during an argument, getting too emotional and letting your temper get the best of you - you need to learn to work together and you can't do that if one of you is getting too heated.
Marriage problem 3: Being selfish - eventually this will catch up to you. You should always think of your partner when you think of yourself.
Marriage problem 4: Being dishonest - another serious issue. If you cannot be 100% honest and open with your mate, you're marriage is most likely doomed or at the very least unhappy.
Marriage problem 5: Teasing too much - generally the husband does this but it could go either way. If there's a little bit of truth to the teasing or there's a greater marriage problem that incites the teasing, you could be in for a long road to recovery together. Chances are that you'll have a lot more work to do to correct this marriage problem.
Marriage problem 6: Not respecting your spouse - this marriage problem can result in all types of other problems. If you are experiencing this you must get to the root of this and figure out why the disrespect is present. If you aren't getting the every day respect that you deserve, make it a priority to not let this go on another day.
Marriage problem 7: Not being attentive to your spouse or not listening to your spouse - men are usually guilty of this marriage problem but is isn't exclusive to the weaker gender by any means. Really listening doesn't mean obeying, it means understanding what's important to your spouse and acting accordingly.
Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a marriage problem, you have to decide what those are as they pertain to your situation.
So, how do you figure out if a marriage problem or problems are severe enough to warrant a divorce?
You should first examine what your marriage problem actually is and decide if it is exclusively a problem for you or if it is something that you both consider to be a marriage problem. If you are the only one who sees the said action as a marriage problem, you have to decide whether or not that specific marriage problem is being caused by you or whether it is truly a problem brought on by your spouse. If the marriage problem is unique to you, seek some help from a counselor and do yourself the courtesy of trying to correct the problem before you believe that you need to run right out and get a divorce. You'll be a better person for it because you will have fixed something within yourself.
However, if you truly believe that the marriage problem is caused and prolonged by your spouse, sit down with yourself first and examine what you believe to be the root cause of the behavior that creates the marriage problem. Make sure that you are being logical when you identify the behavior that you feel is causing the marriage problem and try to recall if the traits or behavior that you've identified in your spouse are 'fixable' in your mind...assuming of course, that your spouse will agree that you are right.
Next, approach your spouse with the information that you've reflected on and try to talk through the cause of the marriage problem. Hopefully your spouse will be open to constructive discussion regarding the marriage problem so you can work through it together. If you cannot do work on the marriage problem together, seek the help of a mediator or marriage counselor so you can actually talk out the marriage problem logically. If you cannot work it out after counseling, deep self-reflection and discussions, you should be able to decide whether or not the marriage problem warrants a divorce or not.
Of course, no one can decide this but you.
About the author:
Karl Augustine
Author of A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce, the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven Actions Items to help you decide!
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
Marriage Problem
Reasons You Aren't Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or Stay MarriedKarl AugustineAlong with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most people, even if they know deep inside themselves that they have to actually make a decision, one way or another.
People are reluctant to embark on an 'emotionally driven' decision making process because they fear that it will be uncomfortable or painful for them. The irony here is obvious...if they need to make this decision, their life or a portion if it, is already uncomfortable. One thing is for certain, deciding whether to get a divorce or stay married is indeed a process.
This process, like any other, includes key elementselements that need to be examined. The elements of this process are self-revealing and can only come from within the person making the decision. The decision making process is comprised of stages and viewpoints about those stages. Stages are smaller pieces of the overall process and the viewpoints of each of those stages are only defined by the person making the decision. If you're trying to decide whether or not you should get a divorce or stay married, you must look at the stage of life you are currently in, and understand how you feel about it by clearly defining your viewpoint about it.
Are you completely unhappy?
Relatively unhappy?
Partially unhappy?
Do you feel that your marriage is unhealthy enough that you intend to do something about it?
Etc.
You can look back in the past and reflect on other stages of your life and examine how you felt about those stages if they contributed to your problem as you view it now. Reflecting on the past can be an effective way to identify key occurrences that may have shaped the way your viewpoint is currently. Reflecting also can help you to identify trends in behavior that may have contributed to your viewpoint. But in the end, the viewpoint and stage that matters most is the current one and that's the one that you need to define and assess most.
It is human tendency to reflect on the past and hold onto thoughts and feelings that were once good, but doing this might keep you in a stale mate if you dwell on the past too much. You have to look at the present time and actually decide to decide so to speak. Once you do realize that you need to decide whether or not to get a divorce, there will be things that will creep up that will actually keep you from taking action and deciding.
Here are 5 reasons you might not be deciding to take action when it comes to deciding whether you should get a divorce or stay married:
1. You know that the severity of divorce is something not to be taken lightly so you avoid that potential outcome by doing nothing.
I assure you, if you realize that divorce is serious, you're ahead of the game because it means that you will do what it takes to change your situation!
2. You haven't decided to take action because you think you actually do want a divorce, and you think that divorce can create emotional scars that take a long time to heal.
3. You know that, whatever the outcome, you're really not ready to face a potentially painful end result, so you avoid the situation all together.
4. You are just flat out scared to make a decision about divorce because you know that making this difficult decision will involve profound change and deep self-examination. And, like most of us, you want to avoid the pain and discomfort that goes with that.
5. You just don't know where to start because you are confused due to the emotional complexities of the situation. You really don't know how you feel.
All are these are valid points, but they are really just excuses to do nothing.
And, if you do nothing, the problem will still remain. And that problem is indecision.
You haven't committed to decide. If any of these things are keeping you from making a decision about whether to stay married, you're doing more harm to yourself than good. In fact, by doing nothing, you are only compounding your problem. You are contributing to your own unhappiness by not taking action and that is just flat out unhealthy!
The first stage to going through the process of deciding whether or not to get a divorce, is to overcome your fear of the potential outcome and embrace this 'emotionally driven' process. Defining your fears and identifying why you aren't making the decision, or at least starting the decision making process about getting a divorce or staying married, is the only way you will be able to reach your ultimate goalmaking a final decision to either get divorced or try to work it out.
About the author:
Karl Augustine
Author of A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce, the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven Actions Items to help you decide!
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
divorce reason
Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?Karl AugustineHaving to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people that will never be forgotten by either of them. The person who actually had the extramarital affair can have feelings of guilt, loneliness, confusion and misdirection along with many other feelings. The 'partner' who did not have the extramarital affair can have these feelings as well, but the lack of confidence that can come as a result of the other person having an extramarital affair can be one of the toughest parts to deal with.
The feelings that come as a result of one or both parties having an extramarital affair are natural but can also be extensions of something much deeper. Of course, if someone has an extramarital affair, both people in that marriage will have feelings that will be surface level only at first. Arguments can occur, denial may set in, and/or tempers can flare due to the extramarital affair. While these things are only natural and to be expected, if your going to actually survive an extramarital affair, you must look at the deeper issues and get down to the real cause of the affair and what to do about it.
People in marriages don't often look at having extramarital affairs lightly, and they realize most times what affects their actions will have on their marriage. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will have an affect on their marriage, surely they are either in denial or their definition of marriage leans strongly towards the open side. For the rest of the married crowd who don't subscribe to an open marriage and who have to deal with an extramarital affair, things can get a bit more complex.
Complexity can be interesting no doubt, but it can also add to the confusion of someone having an extramarital affair, especially if the couple or one party in that couple wants to look deeper at the situation and figure out two very important things:
1. Why did the extramarital affair happen?
2. Does the fact that there was an extramarital affair in the marriage really warrant getting a divorce when both people agree upon the reason that the extramarital affair happened in the first place?
If the couple really wants to save their marriage in spite of the extramarital affair, then finding out why the extramarital affair happened and agreeing on that reason is the first step in the healing process. If you are currently trying to save your marriage and one of you had an extramarital affair, try to limit your pain that you feel and talk things out with your spouse so you can clearly define and agree upon exactly why the extramarital affair took place. If you cannot do this, chances are you will never get over the extramarital affair and your marriage most likely won't survive...or at least you won't have a healthy marriage after the extramarital affair.
After you have defined and agreed upon the reason that the extramarital affair took place, you must decide whether that reasons (or reasons) warrant actually going through a painful divorce. At this point you have 2 choices...either decide in your own or decide with your spouse. The latter is optimal for a variety of reasons but the main reason is that you may actually save your marriage if you decide together. Deciding together whether the real reason an extramarital affair took place indicates that you're both really reaching out for something, something you most likely didn't have prior to the extramarital affair...togetherness.
So, should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital affair?
No, not necessarily. Depending on how collaborative you can be with your spouse, how 'detective-like' you can act, and how much soul searching you can do, you may just become stronger together because of an extramarital affair. It may sound odd, but that's the truth. Of course, it is entirely possible (and probable) that if you both don't define and agree on why the extramarital affair took place and work to address that reason or reasons, your marriage won't ever be healthy again and you'll never be able to healthily survive the extramarital affair.
About the author:
Karl Augustine
Author of A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce, the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven Actions Items to help you decide!
deciding on divorce
extramarital affair
Sexless Marriage : Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?Karl AugustineIf you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why you're in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: We both work too much!:
You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be enough time to get together, your schedules are skewed. This is true a lot nowadays with the 'new' economy, lots of couples are married but just live together like roommates if both parties have 'time-consuming' careers. If not managed properly, it is unfortunate but common for people in this type of lifestyle to end up in a sexless marriage.
Sexless Marriage: You work, I stay home with the kid/s!:
One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays home to raise the children (child), which is equally as hard as any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in many cases because of the seemingly disparate priority base of each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after hours, travel, or attend post work functions and the spouse who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any other outlet for relaxation away from the home front. This situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there may be underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to an already tough situation based on personal and work related schedules.
The spouse with the career may say at times, Why do you think I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our family, etc.. The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at times, You have another release, you have social interaction daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I need to get out and have time for myself.. If the spouse that stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being out and working more than being home, that calls for a whole different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the sexless marriage was bound to be that way before the current situation even arose.
Sexless Marriage: I don't know why...there's just no spark left, you don't pay enough attention to me and our sex life and I guess I don't either!:
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there is deep cause for concern from both parties because both parties aren't happy sexually but don't really know why it ended up this way. Both parties have just let things go and didn't place a high enough priority on their sex life with their spouse, which in and of itself is very concerning.
Why would either or both parties let things get this way when love making is so important?
Sometimes there's a feeling of being taken for granted that can occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both parties should realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority over other things at the right time. It takes work to get out of this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure out why your marital love life has dwindled. If you both really want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to take equal responsibility for correcting the problem.
Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there's certainly more types than listed here), remember that it is not unrecoverable. If you're to the point of thinking about getting a divorce because of your sexless marriage, take the time to sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.
If you've lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of view, you need to define exactly why that occurred. If you don't know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you did 'have the spark' and recall what you both were doing, feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has changed, why it has changed, and what you can do about it. When you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to taking the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage. Remember, if you really want to rekindle your relationship, you can.
About the author:
Author of A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce, the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven Actions Items to help you decide!
deciding on divorce.com
sexless marriage
Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right SourceKarl AugustineGetting the right type of divorce advice depends on what type of divorce advice you want and what you want to use it for. When looking for advice about divorce, it is smart to clearly define what you are seeking the advice for so you can be sure to look in the right places.
Seems simple enough right?
Yes, but...lots of people who are deciding about divorce and seeking divorce advice lump the categories of divorce advice into one, and that's a big mistake. You should seek divorce advice from different types of places for the different types of advice that you need. Certainly there's more types of divorce advice categories, but here's a partial list:
Divorce advice type 1: Legal advice for getting a divorce when you are sure that you want a divorce, no matter how tough it will be to get that divorce. When asking for this type of divorce advice while meeting with an attorney, you may be asked if you're certain that you actually do want a divorceif you do, don't waver, stick to your decision. It makes sense to have a good idea of all of the parts of your life, family and materials, that could be affected or sought after. You want to have your facts, account names, timelines, etc., in mind when meeting with the attorney so that your discussion is maximized.
Divorce advice type 2: Legal advice for getting a divorce when you are almost sure that you want a divorce, but want to make sure that the financial considerations are in order or that health of your children won't suffer in the long run. When asking for this type of divorce advice, you may want to consider seeking the advice of an attorney or financial planner for the financial considerations and a counselor experienced in family matters for the impact that a divorce might have on your children. The point is, split the two concerns up so that you get the chance to speak to 2 different people who specialize in each area so that you will get the appropriate divorce advice.
Divorce advice type 3: Legal advice for getting a divorce in a case that is relatively simple and will be a clean break, no financial or other family considerations to take into account for the divorce. This is perhaps the easiest type of divorce advice to get because it infers that you have already made the decision from an emotional standpoint and really don't have any other considerations of deep concern. When seeking this type of divorce advice, you most likely have limited financial considerations, a prenuptial agreement, or the situation itself as amenable to everyone and you just need someone to do the paperwork.
Divorce advice type 4: Legal and/or counseling advice regarding whether or not divorce is right for you from a psychological, emotional and financial perspective. When asking for this type of divorce advice, you may want to consider seeking the advice of an attorney or financial planner for the financial considerations and a counselor experienced in Clinical Psychology and personal-life coaching for the impact that a divorce might have on you. Again, the point is, split the two concerns up so that you get a chance to speak to 2 different people who specialize in each area so that you will get the appropriate divorce advice.
Divorce advice type 5: Counseling for emotional support when deciding whether or not you really want a divorce or are just unhappy in your marriage. This type of divorce advice is crucial to your happiness because when you're in an emotional state, it is tough to make lucid and rational decisions. And, if you're wrestling with deciding whether or not to get a divorce (purely from an emotional perspective), you should do all you can to make a logical decision because how you approach this decision and the affects afterwards can be long lasting and far reaching. If you're are struggling with finding divorce advice, you may want to talk to friends, counselors, even other family members.
But, my divorce advice to you is, do it yourself.
I'm not saying don't talk with friends, counselors, and possibly family. What I am suggesting is that you reach the final decision of whether to get a divorce on your own, you have to live with it, no one else. The answer is inside you, you just have to get it out in a logical manner.
Whatever type of divorce advice you need, be sure that you're directing your energies in the right direction. If you don't separate the emotional aspects from the legal aspects of divorce advice, you might end up confused and unable to get the most out of any meeting you may have with an attorney or marriage counselor. At the end of the day, you should control your own destiny and make a smart decision based on logic, controlled emotion, and forward thinking.
About the author:
Karl Augustine
Author of A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce, the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven Actions Items to help you decide!
deciding on divorce
divorce advice
Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?Karl AugustineHaving a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don't take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a helicopter viewpoint. To do that, you're going to need to try to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly is a difficult thing to do.
The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember that you aren't alone, lots of couples have marriage problems that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.
Here's a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may not be experiencing:
Marriage problem 1: Lack of sexual intimacy - a serious issue that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work it out.
Marriage problem 2: Exploding during an argument, getting too emotional and letting your temper get the best of you - you need to learn to work together and you can't do that if one of you is getting too heated.
Marriage problem 3: Being selfish - eventually this will catch up to you. You should always think of your partner when you think of yourself.
Marriage problem 4: Being dishonest - another serious issue. If you cannot be 100% honest and open with your mate, you're marriage is most likely doomed or at the very least unhappy.
Marriage problem 5: Teasing too much - generally the husband does this but it could go either way. If there's a little bit of truth to the teasing or there's a greater marriage problem that incites the teasing, you could be in for a long road to recovery together. Chances are that you'll have a lot more work to do to correct this marriage problem.
Marriage problem 6: Not respecting your spouse - this marriage problem can result in all types of other problems. If you are experiencing this you must get to the root of this and figure out why the disrespect is present. If you aren't getting the every day respect that you deserve, make it a priority to not let this go on another day.
Marriage problem 7: Not being attentive to your spouse or not listening to your spouse - men are usually guilty of this marriage problem but is isn't exclusive to the weaker gender by any means. Really listening doesn't mean obeying, it means understanding what's important to your spouse and acting accordingly.
Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a marriage problem, you have to decide what those are as they pertain to your situation.
So, how do you figure out if a marriage problem or problems are severe enough to warrant a divorce?
You should first examine what your marriage problem actually is and decide if it is exclusively a problem for you or if it is something that you both consider to be a marriage problem. If you are the only one who sees the said action as a marriage problem, you have to decide whether or not that specific marriage problem is being caused by you or whether it is truly a problem brought on by your spouse. If the marriage problem is unique to you, seek some help from a counselor and do yourself the courtesy of trying to correct the problem before you believe that you need to run right out and get a divorce. You'll be a better person for it because you will have fixed something within yourself.
However, if you truly believe that the marriage problem is caused and prolonged by your spouse, sit down with yourself first and examine what you believe to be the root cause of the behavior that creates the marriage problem. Make sure that you are being logical when you identify the behavior that you feel is causing the marriage problem and try to recall if the traits or behavior that you've identified in your spouse are 'fixable' in your mind...assuming of course, that your spouse will agree that you are right.
Next, approach your spouse with the information that you've reflected on and try to talk through the cause of the marriage problem. Hopefully your spouse will be open to constructive discussion regarding the marriage problem so you can work through it together. If you cannot do work on the marriage problem together, seek the help of a mediator or marriage counselor so you can actually talk out the marriage problem logically. If you cannot work it out after counseling, deep self-reflection and discussions, you should be able to decide whether or not the marriage problem warrants a divorce or not.
Of course, no one can decide this but you.
About the author:
Author of A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce, the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven Actions Items to help you decide!
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/marriage-problem.htm